Dear Diva's Biography

As for her family, Diva was born to wonderful parents in Fells Point in Baltimore, Maryland. Her father, Truman Capote, and mother, Margaret Hamilton, did their best to raise her to be a proper lady, but their careers took them away from home so much that there was little family life to speak of. Diva and her big sister, Divine, were left alone, mostly under the care of their uncle John Waters, who showered them with love and attention, though Divine was his favorite the bitch.

A fond memory is of the first trip to Hattie's bar, where Diva met a sailor, and architect, two Swedes and a Labrador in the back alley. It was so exciting to get so much attention from strangers and it was fun exchanging pleasantries down by the docks. But big sister came and broke up the fun, reminding Diva that she was only twelve and should be playing with dolls instead of grown men and dogs. But she shut up when reminded of some of her activities when she was only ten! Though her example taught me to get my man.

Mommy was the perfect coach in the social graces for young Diva, teaching her magic spells for every occasion, including one she uses to this day to help people to see things her way. When it doesn't work, Diva was assured that it is not impolite to lay back and be mean. Now daddy was a writer and a gossip, teaching Diva the finer points of her future career, and was actually the originator of the phrase "If you don't have something good to say about anybody, come sit by me!"

Diva enjoyed her childhood immensely, and cherished the trips to New York when Uncle John had new films out. Life in the big apple was grand, with all the celebrities around, and became even more exciting when Diva's cousins, Lip Synca and RuPaul were born. Taking care of babies taught Diva to protect her family and look out for children. That's why I love you all so much.

Now that mommy, daddy and big sis are gone, rest their souls, and the young cousins are ladies themselves, it is the support of dear old Aunt Edna from Australia that brings Diva the most joy. Edna always has something nice to say about herself; Diva relates.